Lil Punk TV Season 1
by Red Rouge and Blue Azul
Summary: whattya get when you cross a sex-crazed vampire, a violent demon, a pirate, a mercenary, and all your favorite sonic characters? Why, you get this...whatever it is! Rated for strong language, sexual themes, racist jokes, etc.


Lil Punk Season 1

Episode one

"Genesis"

-In a broken down part of town, in a broken down building, in a broken down room, with a shitty sofa, two teenagers (seemingly) sit lazily, sipping soda and watching TV-

Tayo Cunnilinx

Age: 3 centuries

Physical Age: 18

Looks: Shaggy Brown hair with red highlights tied in a black headband. Pale skin and red eyes with pupils the size of a tack. Wears a short-sleeved black button-up shirt with matching dress pants, a tie two sizes too big, and red leather boots.

Personality: Lazy, with an above average intelligence, although he chooses not show it. He's sarcastic and at sometimes, crazy, feeling the need to dance, and break out into song.

Vicente Lifegiving

Age: 2000 millenia

Physical Age: 15

Looks: Straight jet black hair hidden a black backwards cap save for 3 long bangs protruding from the hole in the front. Light Tan skin with Blue serpent-esque eyes. Wears a plaid blue and white button up over a pitch black t-shirt, black baggy jeans with a skull on the left leg. Black steel-toed boots, and black fingerless gloves.

Personality: Borderline psychotic and sadistic, yet somewhat senile and dense. Easily bored. Even though crazy, questions nonsense. High-tempered.

-An unknown black man climbs through the window, and unplugs the TV, hauling it back through the window he came through-

Vicente and Tayo: Hi Rick.

Rick: Sup.

-Rick leaves, closing the window behind him. Uncomfortable silence-

Tayo: …We need to move, dude.

Vicente: Yeah, this sucks…

-The scene transists to the two of them sitting on the floor, a newspaper in front of Tayo, as Vicente sits across from him, eating from a bag of Oreos. Rick, meanwhile, drags the couch away in the background-

Tayo: Okay…let's see…"Underwater Dome, hardly any leaks, with a controlled rent" Hey that sounds pretty good…

-Vicente looks up, thinking of the outcome. The scene cuts to his fantasy. Vicente stands in the open, facing the glass dome that shields the inside from the water. He looks down on the ground, and bends down to pick up a rock the size of his palm. After about two seconds of tossing the rock in his palm, he pulls his arm back. Scene cuts-

Tayo: No…It says "No pets" And I wanna get a Chihuahua.

Vicente: …Right…what's the next one say?

Tayo: Hmm…Ooh! "Castle for sale. 37 rooms. Moat included" What do you think of that?

Vicente: Naw…member what happened last time we were in a castle?

-Flashback. Vicente stands in the middle of the bridge holding an axe. The dead form of Bowser lays below him. Tayo stands on the end-

Tayo: I think you were supposed to cut the rope holding the bridge.

Vicente: My way's more fun.

-Toad approaches Tayo from behind-

Toad: Thank you heroes, but our princess is in ano—

Tayo: Who the fuck are you?! Vicente, you missed one!

Vicente: I KICKA YA ASSA!

-end flashback-

Tayo: Oh yeah…heheh…shrooms…Okay…Here we go! "Hut available. 2 bed, 1 bath. Pay by working around the village." We could do that.

Vicente: How the fuck does a hut have a bathroom…Where is it?

Tayo: Uh…it's called…

-a close up of the paper with the article circled-

Tayo: Knothole

-Tayo removes the paper from his sight. In its place is a forest with huts lined up down the path. A wooden sign states "Welcome to Knothole" a paper sign under it states "No Robotniks allowed"-

Tayo: …here it is!

-Vicente looks back, seeing a beach with the ocean washing upon it-

Vicente: …How'd we get here?

Tayo: Vampire magic. Let's go.

-They walk down the path, looking around. They notice that the residents are anthropomorphic animals-

Vicente: …Where the hell are we? Wonderland?

Tayo: Heheh…that fox's got tits…

Vicente: Who's our landlord?

Tayo: Landlady…Her name's Sarah Peanut…

-Vicente leans over and looks at the paper-

Vicente: Dude…that says "Sally Acorn"

-Tayo stops walking, silent for a second or two. He pulls his hand back, and back hands Vicente across the face-

Tayo: Shut the fuck up…

Vicente: …Fucker…

-They stop in front of a hut that says "Princess Sally Acorn…Knock plz J". Vicente walks up to the door, and knocks. No answer. Knocks again. No answer. He continues knocking.-

Vicente: Hello? ....Hellooooooo? …Answer the damn door, you harpy!

-Tayo notices a note next to the door that says "Gone to kick some ass. Be back later."-

Tayo: Dude…she's not here…

-Vicente continues knocking-

Vicente: HEEEELLOOOOOO!? …I can do this all day! …put down the vibrator and answer the fu-ckin door…

-Tayo hears an explosion. Curious, he goes to investigate, leaving Vicente to his knocking rap-

Vicente: Answer the door, you bitch!

-Tayo continues through the forest, noticing different animalnoids fleeing from the explosion's origin-

Tayo: People are fleeing in terror from what looks like destruction and death?…Rosie O'Donnell must be hosting a comedy festival…

-He notices a few familiar characters…namely Sonic, Tails, and Sally, fleeing from a group of SWATbots-

Tayo: Hmm…robots…it's the dance rehearsals all over again…

-Flashback. In a theater, 4 robots and Tayo are on a stage. The robots seem to be doing the dance (which, of course, is the robot) very well, yet Tayo has trouble synchronizing with them-

Director: STOP!! Sorry Tayo, bubelah…you just don't have what it takes…

-Tayo, very femininly, slams his foot on the ground, and storms off, pushing one of the robots out of the way-

Robot: …What a drama queen…

-end flashback-

-Tayo stops Sally in her tracks-

Tayo: Whoa there, little squirrel…chipmunk…thing…What the hell are those?

Sally: SWATbots! Run for it!

-Sally moves from Tayo's grip, and hides in the bushes-

Tayo: Hmm…apparently these robots represent terrorism…how cliché…I can't live in a village full of robot oppression…TIME TO CLEANSE THE TYRANNY!!

-Tayo reaches into the collar of his shirt, and pulls out two gleaming silver pistols, one Colt 1911, and one Beretta 92F. Tayo leaps on to the robot in front of the whole pack. In bullet time, he shoves the barrel straight in a SWAT's face, pulling the trigger twice. He leaps off the bot, as the time returns to normal, the bot falling on to the ground. He jumps on to the branch of the tree, hanging upside down, and firing his pistols, accurately hitting the vital spots of a few Sbs. The Sbs, now focusing their attention on Tayo, charge after him, he parts his legs, falling off the branch, and hooking the necks of two Sbs with his feet, firing diagonally through their heads. He straightens his legs, clicking his heels, and somersaulting on the ground, firing off two more shots, hitting two bots in the centers of their chests, making them short out. Only three remained activated, surrounding him in a triangle. The one in front of him rushed him. Knowing he's out of bullets, he drops his guns, and leaps in to the air, the other two following their brother and rushing as well. He lands on the first Sb, his legs wrapped around it's neck. He slams his fist through the front of the robot's head, pulling out some of the wiring, before unraveling his legs from it's neck, doing the splits, and landing on the palms of his hands. He pulls his legs in, as the two SBs on his sides approached him. His legs shot out, Kicking them both in the chest, crushing them in. He springs to his feet, and straightens his tie, the three defeated robots falling to the ground. He turns around, a look of seriousness on his face, before he puts his hand in front of his mouth, waving the peace sign at the crushed robots-

Tayo: OHHHHHH, SHIT'S WEAK!! YA SHIT'S WEEEAK!!

-Sally climbs out of the bush, along with Sonic and Tails climbing out of a tree, looks of astonishment on their faces-

Sally: That…that was…amazing!

Sonic: Whoa…

Tails: HOLY SHITBURGERS, BATMAN!!

Sally: Tailsdon'tcuss.

Tails: Sorry…

-Tayo turns to face them-

Tayo: Hey, do any of you guys know Sandra Cashew—I mean…shit…Sally Acorn?

Sally: …I'm Sally Acorn…

-He pulls out the newspaper article-

Tayo: Yeah, I'd like to talk to you about the hut for rent?

Sally: …

-It cuts back to Vicente, still knocking on the door-

Vicente: O-PEN *clap clap* THE DOOR *clap clap* O-PEN *clap clap* THE DOOR…

-Tayo and Sally walk up to the hut. Sally quizzically looks at Vicente, and looks at Tayo with a "WTF" look-

Tayo: Just go in and open the door…

-Sally walks past Vicente, walking in through the door, and closing it behind her. She then opens it again-

Vicente: FINALLY!! I've been waiting for-fucking-EVER, bitch!

-He pushes past her walking inside. Tayo walks up. Sally, again, looks at him with a "WTF" look-

Tayo: adorable, isn't he?

-the scene transists to all three of them in the hut they want to rent. Sally walks around, giving them a tour-

Sally: The kitchen's over here…you have the living room in the center of it all, and your bedrooms are down the ha—

-She turns around, seeing no one-

Sally: …Guys?

-Meanwhile, Tayo and Vicente stand in the hall in front of the bedrooms-

Tayo: I want this room.

Vicente: …but I want that room!

Tayo: I called it!

Vicente: That's not fair, That room has a window!

Tayo: So does that one!

Vicente: Yeah, but not with a good view!

-It shows Vicente's window, which shows forest and lush green grass. Then it shows Tayo's window, which shows a video store with a sign in front that says "We have porno"-

Tayo: Well, tough titties!

Vicente: Oh, so that's how it's gonna go down?!

Tayo: Damn right, you wanna go?

Vicente: Yeah I do.

Tayo: Do you?

Vicente: Fuck yeah!

Tayo: Then bring it!

-They begin to have a sissy slap fight, going back and forth slapping each other's hands. Sally stands in front of them, watching with disdain-

Sally: …I'll uh…I'll give you your first assignment tomorrow…

Tayo and Vicente: kay.

-Sally leaves, the two continuing their heated slap fight-


End file.
